Good Grief

When you hear the term “Good Grief,” do you think about the lovable lug head Charlie Brown? Perhaps.

Or, did you think of Good Grief, Idaho? Probably not. Most people don’t even know the tiny town exists.

Did you think of the New York Times best-selling book Good Grief by Lolly Winston? If so, you’re getting close to the topic at hand. By the way, the book is great!

You see, Lolly’s main character lost her husband, and she wants to grieve well. However, a week after the funeral, she is a mess. She shows up in her pink bunny slippers at work, and her boss sends her home to grieve.

So, what is grief anyway?

• It is defined as the deep sorrow you feel over a loss.

• It is often associated with the death of a loved one.

• Queen Elizabeth said, “It is the cost we pay for loving someone.”

Then how do we grieve well?

You must recognize that your grief is unique, unlike that of anyone else. Psychologists recognize there are five stages of grief. They include:

·       Anger

·       Depression

·       Bargaining

·       Depression

·       Acceptance

However, these stages are not linear. You will move in and out of these phases for as long as it takes.

Sometimes grief is complicated, and a grief group or counselor can help you through the process.

·       Check out a Grief Share Group online.

https://www.griefshare.org/countries/us/states/id/cities/meridian

·       Check with your church for a reference to a grief counselor.

·       A Christian college might also be able to give you recommendations for a counselor.

·       In the Boise, Idaho area, I would recommend Refuge Counseling Center in Nampa. https://www.refugecounseling.com

Eventually, though, you will come to accept that your loved one is gone. It’s a new season of life. I don’t like the term moving on. It implies you have forgotten your loved one.

You don’t move on from grief; you move through grief. Your life will be different. Your life will be hard. You are losing all the things your loved one was to you: a friend, a confidant, a mechanic, a repair person, and more …

Some friends or family may not choose to travel this new path with you. So, you should be open to making new friends.

Grief has been said to be “‘Love’ with nowhere to go.” So, what can we do with that love?

First, we must love and care for ourselves to begin the healing process.

Mentally

o   Be gentle with yourself as if you are caring for a hurting friend.

o   Forgive yourself for your perceived shortcomings.

o   Share your loved one’s story.

o   Keep a gratitude journal.

Physically

o   Rest as needed.

o   Keep hydrated.

o   Eat healthy.

o   Exercise.

o   Cry. Releasing your emotions is a healthy response to grief.

Spiritually

o   Remember, “God is close to the brokenhearted” (Psalm 34:15).  

o   “Come near to God, and He will come near to you” (James 4:8).

o   Hold on to the hope you profess by not giving up meeting together (Hebrews 10:23-25).

o   Allow others to grieve with you, for Christians are called to “mourn with those who mourn.” (Romans 12:15).

Here are some things I have done to honor my husband’s memory but do what works for you.

• I sponsored a boy from Guatemala. He shares my husband’s birth date. We exchange letters, and I have learned much about him and his culture.

• I donate to one of my husband’s favorite charities each year. I mark it “In memory of…” If he were still alive, I’d be buying him a gift.

• Low and no-cost things have included:

o   A day trip to the mountains we loved.

o   Playing his favorite songs.

o   Looking through photograph albums.

o   I volunteer at a Christian thrift shop. They are now part of my support system. And I get to work in the children’s book department!

• I joined recently joined Christian Widows Support Group on Facebook.

o   It helps me see how far I have come in my grief.

o   It also gives me a chance to encourage other widows in their journey.

o   You must verify that you are a widow to join, as it is a closed group.

You can be the things you admired about your lost loved one.  

 What’s your plan? How will you meet your needs?

• Physically      • Mentally      • Spiritually    • Self-care is not selfish.

Might volunteering somewhere work for you?

• A charity you love might need volunteers.

• Google volunteer needs in your community.

• Make a list, then make a call.

Might you consider pursuing a hobby?

• Hobbies reduce stress.

• They increase brain function.

• They provide an opportunity for social connection.

Could you reach out to another grieving soul?

• Extend an invitation for coffee? Or a meal?

• Organize a Bible study on grieving?

• Warning: Most experts recommend fully processing the loss of a partner before dating. Be cautious.

Final Reminders

♥     Grief is hard work.

♥     Your grief is unique.

♥     It has no timeline.

♥     You are not alone.

♥     Ask God to give you His peace “that transcends all understanding” (Philippians 4:7).

If you are a widow, you might enjoy the book; Good grief.

Eventually, your tears will turn into a treasure chest of tender memories.

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