Don’t Look Back?

5 Reasons This Widow Disagrees! 

“Don’t look back; you’re not going that way.”

 Has anyone ever said that to you? I’m not sure why people are in such a hurry for the grieving to move on. I like to see grief as something very difficult we must move through. It is the cost we pay for loving deeply. Moving on implies we will forget our loved ones, which is unrealistic.

I was married 46 years before my husband passed away, and while he had been ill for many years, losing him was still heart-wrenching.  Widowhood continues to be a major adjustment for me. If you’ve been there, I am sure you will agree.

So, why look back?

1.     To hang on to remember the good times

a.      The many ways you bonded together as a couple

b.     The tender moments you shared

c.      Keep your loved one’s stories alive

d.     To recall the values he held dear

e.      Provide a legacy for your family

2.     To learn from the hard times

a.      How you discovered new insights and resilience in difficulties

b.      How you developed a new compassion for others who are also suffering

c.      How you learned from your past mistakes, confessed them, and hopefully forgave yourself for not being perfect.

d.     How you might have had to do some letting go

                                                    i.     Of dreams or plans you had together

                                                  ii.     Of relationships that don’t ret anymore

1.     Maybe friends you had as a couple

2.     Maybe some of his friends

3.     Or his family, or yours

4.     Not everyone desires to travel this new road with you, which is another painful loss.

e.      To eventually see the progress you have made in your new journey

3.     To see your need for a support system

a.      When you lose a spouse, you also lose everything they were to you.

                                                    i.     A best friend

                                                  ii.     A cook?

                                                iii.     An errand runner?

                                                iv.     A repair person?

                                                  v.     Someone to help with the heavy-duty chores around the house?

                                                vi.     Maybe the person who paid the bills?

                                               vii.     Each widow’s list is unique.

b.     You will benefit from adding to your circle of friends.

                                                    i.     Perhaps you will find some in the sisterhood of widows

                                                  ii.     A good Bible-believing church should be looking out for the widow, the orphan, and the foreigner.

                                                iii.     A lady’s Bible study is a wonderful place to make new friends.

                                                iv.     Realize making new friends is hard.

1.     It takes time and effort. 

2.     We risk being rejected or not connecting well.

3.     Remember, there are other lonely women out there too!

4.     Being a comfort to others helps us heal.

4.     People will let you down, but God is forever faithful

a.      He desires a relationship with us

b.     We can communicate with Him

                                                    i.     He speaks to us through His word

                                                  ii.     We can cry out to Him in our pain through prayer.

                                                iii.     He understands our suffering. 

                                                iv.     He loves us unconditionally.

c.      If you haven’t done so, consider surrendering your life to Him

                                                    i.     I won’t promise your life will be easy,

                                                  ii.     but you will God’s is compassionate beyond our understanding.

                                                iii.     His Holy Spirit provides the power to live your life with faith even when life seems impossible.

5.     Consider writing – seriously

a.      Keep a notebook during your daily devotions

                                                    i.     Write down a verse ta day o cling to as your promise from God

                                                  ii.     Write out your prayers, and your concerns. your worries

                                                iii.     Write out answers to prayers, even if they are no, or not now.

                                                iv.     Maybe God has a better plan, or the timing isn’t right for what you desire.

                                                  v.     Maybe God will use your pain for His future good.

b.     Journal or write out memories of your loved one

                                                    i.     Make it into a document for your family

                                                  ii.     Perhaps add some photos or make it into a book

c.      Consider a memoir

                                                    i.     It’s not a life story, but a slice of life tied to a specific time and theme.

                                                  ii.     Do you think your story might help others?

                                                iii.     Start jotting down your thoughts

                                                iv.     Read the memoirs of others.

                                                  v.     Read about memoir writing.

                                                vi.     Writing coaches are available! 

1.     I loved working with mine!

2.     He made me dig deep and be honest about my pain.

3.     I saw areas where I needed to forgive people and let go of my past.

4.     Not everything needed to be in the book.

                                               vii.     My prayer and purposes in writing were to encourage others in their struggles.  Those who might relate include: 

1.     People with cancer or other illnesses in their families

2.     Caregivers

3.     Those dealing with depression

4.     Those who struggle with self-worth.

5.     Those who need a friend and Savior in Jesus.

Read more about “Pines in the Wasteland: A Story of Hope” on my web sites book page.  There is also a link to purchase my book.