How to Deal with Rejection
Part 1
By Barb Sulfridge
Have you ever felt the sting of rejection? If so, do you remember the intense agony? It is so painful that your brain cells react as if you are in physical pain. Because you are.
Rejection is a lot like grief. Think about it. Both represent a loss you probably weren’t expecting. You go through the same stages as if you are grieving.
The Five Stages of Rejection (DABDA) are:
• Denial • Anger • Bargaining •Depression • Acceptance
Stage 1: Denial
You think, ‘I’m sure my friend just forgot to call me back.’ Or “If my friend had seen me at the store, she would have said hello.” Or “I’m sure my invitation was just overlooked.” And little by little, you are sure you are being ignored, then rejected. And this is painful.
Stage 2: Anger
You may ask, “What did I ever do to be treated this way?” Or say, “I don’t deserve this!” And maybe even gossip about the situation. Gossip is like bringing gasoline to a fire. Family or friends may take sides, and more rejection can follow. Then, you might move from irritation to enraged. But “human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.” James 1:20
Stage 3: Bargaining
We are to “maintain a gracious, gentle, and patient attitude instead of being angry and defensive.” I Timothy 2:24. Most of the time, healing does not come from doing nothing. Open a dialogue.
“Let’s talk,” you might say. “Did I do something to offend you?” Or “Are there things we need to talk about to improve our relationship? Let’s try to work this out.”
This could lead to redefining the relationship, but beware! Don’t give in to behaviors that go against who you are and what you believe. Don’t be manipulated and agree to change, then have to walk on eggshells around this person. And don’t be in disobedience to God.
The person may not want to bargain. They might be done with the relationship. Or, worse, deny there is a problem but continue to ignore and wound you.
Stage 4 Depression
Depression may strike when reality hits. We often take rejection personally. BUT, be aware that depression can lead to suicidal thoughts. It’s vital that we reach out for help if we find ourselves in this situation.
· Reach out.
· See a doctor.
· Consider a Christian counselor.
The Bible says to “love your neighbor as yourself.” Mark 12:31
And I encourage you to practice self-care.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
But how do we move on? Check in next week for Part 2.
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