How to Support a Widow

by Barb Sulfridge

There is a problem. According to Stand in the Gap Ministry, fifty percent of all widows leave their church after the death of their husbands. The United States has approximately twelve million widows, and the majority of these women live close to the poverty line. Seventy-five percent of widows say their church has no organized widow program providing intentional care. Are these statistics pulling at your heartstrings?

I have been widowed for six years and feel strongly that no widow should be left alone in their grief. Recently, I joined Facebook’s Christian Widows Support Group with the sole purpose of praying for women who have lost their spouses. I enjoy sharing encouraging Bible verses or quotes. I sometimes post practical advice from my life experiences. Many are new widows, and their grief is raw and honest.

I wanted to write a blog post about how we, as Christians, can help support widows. So, I asked the group:  How have you been supported after the death of your spouse physically, emotionally, and spiritually? By the next day, I had over one hundred comments. The following words summarize many of their thoughts. 

How Was I Supported?  Out of the Mouths of Widows

My favorite: “People keep telling me to call if I need anything. I didn’t know what I needed when he first passed away, and I still don’t.”

We need not to put the burden on the widow to come up with ways to help.

Another widow wrote, “I think we need to consider a widow’s needs in terms of the immediate and the long term.

Yes, needs vary over time. Immediately after the death of a spouse, a phenomenon called “Widow’s fog” occurs. They are shocked and often are not thinking clearly.

“Everyone helped in the beginning, but now I feel abandoned.”

No one should grieve alone. Here are some ways you can support a widow, initially and during her new life.

Physical Needs

“A friend came and cleaned my house before my out-of-town family arrived.”

“Someone brought a notebook and began to keep track of people who blessed me with meals and gifts. That way, I was able to write thank you notes later on.”

“A dear friend left her family and stayed for two weeks. We cried together. She also helped me get my house clean and organized.”

“Neighbors came and helped me prioritize a list of practical after-death “To Do” tips. Then, we put the items on a timeline so I wasn’t overwhelmed.”

“A banker from church helped me understand my finances and set up a budget.”

“People helped me with car repairs, lawn work, and home maintenance.”

“Widowed friends shared their handyman contacts.”

“A neighbor finished painting our house --for free-- after my husband passed away.”

“Someone raked my leaves and cleaned out my rain gutters.”

“My brother found little things to fix each time he came to visit.”

Emotional and Spiritual Needs

“I need to hear his name and stories of times you shared with him.”  (This was huge!)

“A friend told me, ‘This is your grief. Don’t let anyone tell you how to do it.’”

“People reminded me to take care of myself.

A friend made me an apron out of one of my husband’s dress shirts.

“Someone simply gave me a hug (after asking permission), and I cried. I miss being touched.”

“The choir director simply touches my shoulder each week in church.”

“I need actual visits, not just texts.”

“I love it when people remember trigger days: our anniversary, the day of his passing, his birthday.”

“I like the way people continued to send I’m thinking of you cards or notes, especially with encouraging scriptures.” 

“A family continues to pick me up for church and sits with me so I don’t have to sit alone.”

“Nights are the worst. I need people to check in with me once in a while.”

“Eating alone is hard, but an out-of-state friend and I shared a meal via Facetime on my phone. It was delightful.”

“Please invite me out to eat, a movie, or a cultural event.” 

“People gave me books on grief.” (A topic for another blog post, perhaps?)

“People recommended a group called Grief Share to help me on my new journey.” www.Griefshare.org.

“Someone gave me the name of a grief counselor –just in case I needed extra support in healing.”

Concluding Thoughts

“Please be patient with me as I grieve.”

“I hope I can be the person to support others in the future. “

 2 Corinthians 2:3-5

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.